I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

42

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

29

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

28

The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

21

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

21

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

39

If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

40

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

40

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

39

What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

32