Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

horse puns

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor!


When does a horse talk? Whinney wants to!


What’s the best way to lead a horse to water? With lots of apples and carrots!


What disease was the horse scared of getting? Hay fever!


How long should a horse’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground


Which side of the horse has the most hair? The outside!


Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it.


Why did the horse cross the road? Because somebody shouted hay!


What do you call a scary female horse? A nightmare!


Are you a horse? Yay or neigh?


What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh


What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet


Why do horses like to fart when they buck? Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.


How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday? His horse’s name was Friday!


Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? She always said Neigh

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