Bad Puns

This collection of bad puns, or the worst puns

bad puns

Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn’t last too long for fat people.


Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows
how big the Chinese population is getting.


It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn’t block access to porn sites
on the internet.


How many guys can participate in a gang bang before it’s gay?


Friends are like balloons.


If you stab them, they die. My Mexican friend wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually,


it’s more of a wrap. Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.


I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body


So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world


What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine


A crazy wife says o her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says “it’s
reindeer


What kind of concert only costs 45 cent? A 50 cent concert featuring Nickelback


My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends..


I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.


What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot? Mitosis.


My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo..


Simba was walking slow so i told him mufasa.


My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face
when I drove pasta..


My boyfriend jus broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a
stupid thing to fallout for!


Sex while camping is fucking in tents.


I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.


When chemists die, they barium.


Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.


This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.


I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control
her pupils?


When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.


Broken pencils are pointless.


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


Velcro, what a rip off!


A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.


Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!


The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.


Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.


When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.


I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.


Corduroy pillows are making headlines.


Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?


Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.


A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.


A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.


What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum
blownapart.


A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs. It became known as Dogless Fairbanks.


Which famous golfer loves to drink wine? Litre Vino.


Archeaologist: a person whose career lies in ruins.


What’s the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber? One is a
raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman.


In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during
the lunch hour. Anything, that is except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world’s
first anti-lox breaks.


A ship carrying a cargo of red paint collided with a ship carrying a cargo of purple paint.


Both crews were marooned.


Why did the Zen master refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to
transcend dental medication.


Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a fast-food seafood
restaurant? One was the fish friar, the other was the chip monk.


A scientist cloned himself but the experiment created a duplicate who used very foul
language. As the clone cursed and swore, the scientist finally pushed it out the window, and
it fell to its death. Later the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.


Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank —
proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.


Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The
second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.


A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender
replies, “For you, no charge.”


Don’t you appreciate the bad puns? See the best puns.

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