Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.

Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.

When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won’t go at all.

Dogs will come when you call them. And they’ll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.

Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they’re in pain.

Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door. Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.

What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.

What is a cat’s favourite car? The Catillac.

What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.