What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A Budweiser in each hand!

How is a casino like a woman? Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? “Olive or twist?”

What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? “Please, no stories!”

Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? So the Irish would never rule the world!

What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? The Holy Spirit!

You know what’s fun about being sober? Nothing.

What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Why did Mexicans create tequila? So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!