Beer Puns

Funniest beer puns ever, enjoy! Not only the funniest but the best beer puns that you have never heard before.

Beer puns

What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A Budweiser in each hand!

How is a casino like a woman? Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? “Olive or twist?”

What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? “Please, no stories!”

Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? So the Irish would never rule the world!

What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? The Holy Spirit!

You know what’s fun about being sober? Nothing.

What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Why did Mexicans create tequila? So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? He’s the one dancing like an asshole!

How do you know a man is really really gay? When he’s nursing a Bacardi Breezer! If beer pong was a sport, I’d have a full scholarship

What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

Why does Corona go through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color

How do you start a parade in the ghetto? Roll a 40 down the street.

How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having $ex in a rowboat? They are both SO close to water!

What do you call a man with a pint of Labatts on his head? A taxi. Clearly, he’s had too much booze and is being a nuisance.

What do you call a man running with a beer? Edward Forty-hands.

What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common? Their both empty from the neck up!

Where do monkeys go to grab a beer? The monkey bars!

What does a wet beer fart leave in your shorts? A Bengal stripe.

Why are Men like coolers? Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!

What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

What is a rednecks last words? “HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS!” Why don’t Democrats drink? It interferes with their suffering!

What happens when you cross a gynecologist drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and sexy blonde drinking Smirnoff Vodka? a “Pabst Smir!”

What does a ghost drink? BOO’S

What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in the south? Open other end.

What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party? They’re both out looking for a tight seal.

An Irishman named O’Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O’Malley in the eye, and said, “I’ve some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month to live.”

The friends gave O’Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, O’Malley’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. “Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!”

O’Malley said, “I am dying of cancer, son. I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone.”

A bee goes into a bar, It comes out 2 hours later buzzing Boy: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.” Girl: “Is that you or the beer talking?” Boy: “It’s me talking to the beer.”

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Hear about the wall that went out on the town for its birthday?… Got plastered…

Mayan: Hey wanna beer? Other Mayan: I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.

Beer doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

A duck walks in to a bar and says “Give me 200 beers”. The bar tender says “How are you going to pay for that?” So the duck says “Just put in on my bill!!!”

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives.The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,”I wish the ocean was a sea of beer.” And it happened.

A litle while later the other one shouted,”Great, now we have to pee in the boat!” How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

There’s a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

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