What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

22

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

12

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

11

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

9

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

9

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

9

Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.

9

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep.

9

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

9

Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. I’m taking this shit to a whole new level. Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

8