Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard? The barber.

What do you call a man without a beard? A woman.

How can you tell if a man with a beard is gay or straight? The smell.

Why don’t men with beards need vacuums? They already have crumb catchers.

What do you call a goat with a beard? Goatee.

What’s the worst part of having a beard? Being confused as a hipster.

How did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.

What kind of facial hair helps you fake your own death? Star-burns.

What do you call a bald drug dealer with facial hair? Heisenberg.

Don’t point that beard at me, it might go off