What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

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I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

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Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

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I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

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When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

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Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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