I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.


My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.


I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.


My wife had her driver’s test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.


Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.


Isn’t it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.


I work to buy a car to go to work.


What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.