• A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)

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  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

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  • I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’. (Henny Youngman)

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  • I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)

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  • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

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  • All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)

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  • There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)

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  • I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

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  • By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.  (Socrates)

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  • Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

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