I used to think getting to the bottom of a pint of ice cream was depressing and then I got to the bottom of a bottle of Percocet. I’m crying

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I hate the phrase “lactose intolerant”. I think ice cream is colon intolerant.

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There probably isn’t a number high enough as to how many pints of ice cream Alec Baldwin eats a day

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How did Reese eat her cereal? Witherspoon.

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