What do you call a cow that just had a baby? DeCALFeinated or A New Moother

65

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

50

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

51

“Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places” Doctor “Well don’t go to those places.”

52

A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

50

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

53

If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.

51

What do you call a can of soup that eats other cans of soup? A CANnibal.

46

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!

50

We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, ‘Any condiments?’ My dad responded, ‘Compliments? You look very nice today!

47